Confession: I, Mija Ryer, pay for Bumble.
FUCK. Fine! There, I said it.
The truth of the matter is, I’m really not into wasting my time swiping and such, I’d rather just drink my morning coffee and see if anyone that has swiped right on me piques my interest. I will say though, this has been far more entertaining than I could have ever anticipated. While it’s interesting to see who swipes right on you in general, it’s even better if they swipe on you and you know them…
And even better than that is when they swipe right on you, the morning after hooking up with your friend. Doh!!
BACKGROUND:
So, my friend use to date this guy who lives in Southern California, but eventually they split up; let’s call him Skeeter, cause that sounds like a real slimy loser name. After the breakup they would message here and there and sometimes when he came into town they would “hang out,” but for the most part, he was past tense. In passing my friend mentioned that Skeeter was going to be coming to town for a motorcycle event and that they might meet up, but I didn’t think much of it. I have never met Skeeter nor seen a photo of him before, but did know his name and some very basic information:
He lives in Southern California
He owns a gym
He rides a motorcycle
STORYTIME:
Saturday morning. Per usual, I woke up at the crack of dawn; I don’t understand it either. I made some coffee and started clearing out the cue of thirsty dudes that swipe after an unsuccessful Friday night out. If only there was a timestamp on those photos because I am willing to bet that the majority roll in at 2:15 am, and by morning I’m not quite the Southern Belle they remembered. Anyhow, as I’m questing for my future Mr. SexyPants I see a photo of a man with an albino python around his neck.
(Click.)
Skeeter, 32 (Bad name, but okay…)
(Scroll…)
Blah Blah… Southern California
Blah Blah… Gym
Blah Blah… Motorcycle
Blah Blah… Rio Linda. RIO LINDA!? RIO LINDA!?
Me: Hiya Friend! I hope you’re having a most excellent day. So, uh… question. Did Skeeter stay the night at your place last night?
Her: (Giggle-Giggle-Blush-Giggle) Yeah.
Me: Wanna ask me how I know that?
I’ll save you the groveling, but in the end, he said that it was because “the boys wanted me to invite some ladies for the club event”. He was absolutely, positively, definitely not sitting in her bed the morning after they hooked up swiping on girls for his own benefit. Nope. Totally innocent.
Skeeter must think that he is very smart. Skeeter isn’t very smart. Skeeter didn’t even bother to scroll down on my Bumble profile, or he would have noticed that I have a photo of her and me together on there…
Oh, Skeeter.
