Bumble (3)

We started talking in the beginning of March, the day before he was leaving for Hawaii. His profile said he wanted a “cool, calm, cutie” which was so blatantly not me, I thought we would be a perfect match. I should have known better when he told me that first day that I was a “sun flower on the middle of a bed of Rose’s just shining on these mafuckas”, but I’m such a sucker for a pretty face, and we all know what he meant. Since he lives in Grass Valley, I thought it would be super classy if we met for coffee somewhere in the middle, and the irony of “The Pour Choice” in Auburn seemed too good to pass up.

March 9, 2019
THE DATE
In some ways, the date itself was fairly unremarkable. We sat outside The Pour Choice, watching the rain and talking about nothing of consequence. I didn’t get the sense that either of us were overtly into the other, but he was pretty tired from his flight and I did only have one glass of wine and wasn’t feeling particularly randy. After about an hour, we headed over to Hidden Falls Regional Park where we strolled, watched water move, kissed, mingled with some cows, and parted ways.

As I was driving home, I really didn’t know what to think of the date, but I knew that I didn’t hate it. In some ways, I was curious about him. I liked that he was genuine, smelled of motor oil and fresh sheets, and looked at me like I was the most interesting person he had ever met; his vulnerability was refreshing. I texted him, “I don’t expect you to respond, but I’m curious what you’re thinking right now”… and ten seconds later, he called me. HE. FUCKING. CALLED. ME.

OVERALL: 6/10

As you probably have guessed, this is not the end of the story, but rather the beginning of the end of the story. In the first few weeks, everything progressed normal-ish. Between the March Madness competition at the gym and our triennial TJC Inspection at work, I didn’t have a lot of free time, but I did enjoy seeing him and happily disregarded a handful of little red flags (and a lot of romantic prose). This is not to say that there was anything inherently wrong with him, just that there were a few things that I knew were wrong for me. Regardless, I thought we could take it slow and perhaps my feelings would evolve, or maybe they wouldn’t. It seemed like we were mostly on the same page, until I received a letter in the mail:

EXHIBIT A – April 10, 2019
One month after that first date

And as I sat there, all of those random texts just came flooding back…

EXHIBIT B
Say. My. Name.

Don’t overthink it, Mija.
Don’t overthink it, Mija.
Mija! Stop it!

I tried to let it go. While I can appreciate when someone is vulnerable, leads with their heart, and isn’t afraid to be open, I’m not ready to pick out curtains with anyone after four weeks. About a week after the letter, we were texting inappropriately when I realized that I’d better make it clear that we weren’t exclusive and that I wasn’t ready to make that leap – maybe ever. In case you were wondering, it went over really well:

“Fuck. Really, thanks for telling me.”

I had kind of thought that that would be the end of it, but he acquiesced the next day and said that we were on the same page; I don’t know that I ever really believed him. A few weeks later I decided that I should end it because the reality was, I didn’t want to string him along in hopes that my feelings would evolve.

(Sidenote: Apparently, this is a thing? Inferred monogamy after the first few dates. In my world, monogamy is a relationship benefit and the thought of offering that up when “dating” is completely asinine. This doesn’t mean you have to sleep with multiple people at the same time, it just means that you’re fucking dating. You know, dating. Daaaating.) 

THE ENDING:
This story is pretty much over, but I do have to tell you this minor detail about the last time that I saw him that has me reeling. A few weeks back, he and I were talking about the UFC 236 fight between Israel Adesanya (my boyfriend) and Kevin Gastelum and he really didn’t appreciate it in the way that I did:

Me: SOO F’N GOOOOOD! AHHHHH! ADDDDESSSSAAANYAAAAA!
Him: Totally Lame. Womp Womp.

So, when it came time for the Golden State Warriors to play the Rockets, I knew I needed to show him who he was dealing with. Let’s just say, we watched the game at my house, and I made sure to appropriately support my new favorite team.